Day 30

Day 30! The final day of the program but certainly not the final day of this journey. One thing I knew for sure going into this program is that the thing holding me back is me. I know what to do to become healthier. I have a lot of resistance built up: I judge myself on days when I don't do exactly as I planned (which then turns into multiple days because I've judged myself), I frequently fall into a space of not believing I can do it, and sometimes I think I don't deserve to get there. I've gotten to week 4 of the C25K program which means 16 minutes of running in a 30 minute period--that's a great physical leap to have made in the past 30 days. On a mental/emotional/spiritual level, I'm not wishing for the magic program that will get me to where I want to be. That's a leap too! I've spent so much time looking for something that will get me there and not seeing that I am there already. I kept saying in my head "I want to learn this lesson" but I missed the point that I am going to be learning a new lesson all the time. I'm not going to get to a point in life where there are no lessons to learn even if I live to be 100. As long as I'm willing to work on myself there will always be new things to discover about myself. Relationships will change and I'll have to discover how to navigate that. I'll be presented with new challenges and have to discover abilities I didn't know I had. Life will give me exactly what I need every day for the evolution of my consciousness and the unfoldment of my soul.

Dr. Oz's "Foods to Avoid" List

Got this today in an ezine from the Oprah show. His comment about sugar was very helpful for me. I avoid sugar because I know it makes me hungrier. I never thought about this being the reason why. What I don't understand is why it affects me so much more than some people. It gives me an almost obsessed feeling.

To make your diet more healthy, Dr. Oz says to remember his "rule of fives." Look at the labels of the foods you eat. If you see one of these five ingredients listed as one of the first five things used to make it, don't eat it.

High fructose corn syrup
"We most commonly get this in soft drinks," Dr. Oz says. "It's an inexpensive sugar, which means we're getting a lot of it in our diet."

Sugar
Dr. Oz says when you eat sweets, your brain receives schizophrenic messages. "It says: 'I got calories, but I didn't get any nutrients,'" he says. Your body will keep craving food until it gets those nutrients.

"Enriched"
Also watch out for products made with "enriched" flour, like white bread. "Why would they take bread and have to enrich it? Because they take all the important vitamins out of it, and they sprinkle just a little bit back in there," Dr. Oz says.

Trans fat
Also known as hydrogenated fat, these are fats that were once in liquid form but have hydrogen added to make them solid at room temperature. "It extends the shelf life of the product," Dr. Oz says. "But it shortens the human life."

Saturated fats
These fats come from four-legged animals like pigs and cows.

Day 29

I had a pretty good day yesterday. There was a celebration in the morning at work to celebrate our new name/brand so I had to get up early and miss walking the dog to get there in time. As part of the celebration there were several volunteer opportunities for us. I went to Torrey Pines Beach to pick up trash. It was actually a lot of fun but I found that Torrey Pines is a very clean beach so there isn't much trash to pick up. It seems like they could have sent us north a bit where a beach truly needed us. Oh well. It was better than being at work :D

I ended up going out to lunch with a co-worker after our beach time but I got a great salad with a grilled chicken breast on it from a nearby cafe. It was really good. So while I didn't eat strictly my packed meals, I did eat good stuff. I was extra hungry last night. This typically happens a few days after I start reducing my calories. It'll pass and all will be okay.

My give yesterday: To the people of San Diego, cleaning up the beach.

Today I'm grateful for: I was going to say holidays since we're getting a 3-day weekend. heehee! I'm grateful for my chickens and their fresh eggs they lay almost daily. I'm sitting here looking forward to eating a fresh egg for my breakfast soon. They are so flavorful and fresh.

My plan for today: Today should be my day to run for C25K but it's my yoga day too so I think I'll hold off on C25k until tomorrow. I don't really have time for both since I do my run at work. I can run Friday and Sunday at the gym so that'll work. I'll pack my meals for today too.

Day 28

I wrote a short blog last night and it's good I did because I don't have much time today. It's a big day at my office so I had to get to work early for the celebration and now I'm headed out to go clean the beach for the next couple of hours.

Today...

was a very good "fierce" day :) I ate my planned meals and I did Week 4 of C25K. It's funny how the first time I do a week I am red and sweaty but by the 3rd time I'm doing okay. So today doing Week 4 for the first time I was red and very sweaty. I also discovered something for which I am very grateful--my UnderArmour Endure sports bra. Today my husband washed it so I brought an old sports bra with me to exercise today. It downright HURT to run and week 4 of C25K has you run two intervals of 3 minutes and 5 minutes. So for 16 minutes I held my arms under my chest to keep from bouncing myself too hard.
I have discovered a new snack--Emerald makes cocoa roasted almonds. They are delightful! It has a light dusting of dark cocoa on them and ever-so-slightly sweet with sucralose (it's the last ingredient so there isn't much of it). Delightful!

Day 27

Day 27! Just a few days left!

Things I'm Proud of from Yesterday: I had a really good day yesterday. I had decided to start back to being militant about my food plan and I was! I got hungry a few times but reminded myself I'd be eating in an hour or so (it was never longer than that until my next mini-meal--the beauty of eating 5-6 mini meals per day). I also looked up the word militant in the Thesaurus. There weren't many synonyms that I liked for that word. Scrappy is cute but not really reflective of the situation. Another one listed was "fierce" and I kind of liked that. So from now one this is the "Fierce Meal Plan" :) I didn't do C25K or get any other exercise but I was trying to get over once & for all the icky about-to-get-sick feeling that has been coming and going for a few days while my sinus allergies have been acting up. I think I've finally gotten enough allergy meds in me as I have been able to breathe for 36 hours without decongestant spray. Yaaay!

My plan for today: Eat "Fierce" :) and do C25k Week 4!

Something I'm grateful for: All the wonderful new people that have entered my life recently. I've been feeling a bit lonely for friends lately as a long-time friendship has started to feel as though it is slipping away (I read recently that friendships usually have a 6 or 7 year lifespan so I guess I shouldn't be surprised). Meeting my accountability partner Sunday (Hi Carey!), hanging out Friday night with a woman I used to work with, and praying with a woman at church on Sunday...all these connections have really made me feel like I'm not alone. That is very important to me. I love my husband and he is my friend, but I need to feel connected to others as well.

My Daily Give: Yesterday I stayed home all day so I didn't see many people, but I did arrange a dinner meeting with 2 friends. I'd also say that staying home from work yesterday was more of a gift to my spirit than it was a true sick day. My spirit was feeling crushed at the thought of going to work yesterday.

Day 26

I'm staying home from work today! :) I didn't feel very good yesterday. I didn't sleep well again last night (couldn't breathe). I woke up this morning and I felt like I really needed to skip work. Normally I wouldn't take the day off no matter how badly I wanted to because it seems trivial to "waste" the day. I needed it today on a soul level to have a day to myself. So I did!

I decided yesterday that I was going to go back to the "militant" way of sticking to my 5-6 meal a day plan. (Plan = 1 protein, 1 fruit for breakfast, a.m. snack and night snack; 1 protein, 1 vegetable, 1 fat for lunch and dinner; 1 protein, 1 vegetable for p.m. snack) I dont' really like the word militant but that's the word my husband used and it works. I do need to look at a Thesaurus though.

So far today I've stuck to it. Since I haven't been limiting my portions so much lately I've had some moments of hunger. I reminded myself that I'll be eating again very soon and went on to do something else. Usually when I recommit my first day is when I'm the strongest, but I feel like today that my strength to stick to it in a militant way will grow stronger.

Today I had a really wonderful moment with my bunny Stanley. I picked her up (yes, Stanley is a girl) and carried her into the bedroom and set her on the bed with me. It filled my heart so much to play with her on my bed. She hopped on top of me while I laid down so I could pet her sitting on my chest. I love my bunnies!

Day 25

Wow! It's Sunday already! The weekend goes by way too fast!

Yesterday I walked the dog, went to yoga, brought the bunnies to get their nails trimmed, and did a little housecleaning. We went to SoupPlantation for dinner and then relaxed at home watching a DVD. Today I got up late because I had a horrible night sleep. Chester was yowling all night. It gets to to the point that I want to strangle him because there is no place I can put him where I can't hear him at night. He's an 18 year old cat so he's got issues, but he's causing me issues due to lack of sleep! I went to church and had a wonderful time chatting with my accountability partner who met me there. I stopped to do some shopping at Target and started to feel very ill (horrid headache that led to feelings of nausea and a couple of times made me feel faint). I came home and laid down. The cat welcomed me by starting to yowl. Great. I have a massive headache and the screech of his yowl was like nails on a chalkboard. So I picked him up and petted him and he was quiet. By not resisting his noisiness but meeting it with love and patience the yowling stopped and my headache eventually went away. A good metaphor for how I need to stop resisting and pushing away but instead surrounding this issue with loving kindness. Surrender is surely my lesson to learn right now.

Something I am proud of from yesterday: Didn't eat to uncomfortableness at SoupPlantation. Went to yoga.

My daily give: Picked up a Chai Latte for my husband who had been working in the yard all day. I also had a nice chat with a lady at the House Rabbit Society. That might not seem like a give but I think having a nice conversation with someone who is alone is a gift--assuming they want to talk. I asked her questions about her bunny and focused on her rather than sharing information about myself.

Something I'm grateful for today: The Unity Center. I've been attending for about 8 years and love the people who attend. I connect with such great energy there.

My plan for the day (which is half over!): Avoid wheat & sugar even in the tiniest of forms. I need to do Week 3 of C25K again but I need to get some water and carbs in me to have the energy for it. My headache has eased but isn't completely gone yet.

Got this AWESOME newsletter from the Kabbalah Centre today.

I was speaking to a Kabbalah Centre student not long ago, and he shared with me the difficulties he's having in business. Whatever he does, nothing seems to be working —cutbacks, consultants, restrategizing — he's tried it all.

It got me thinking about the deficits we all have at one time or another. One person may be seeking a soul mate; another, financial success; yet another, his life's purpose; and another, better health. Of course, our minds instantly go the 1% material solutions:

"Has he tried everything?"

"Maybe she should do that online dating thing?"

"He just doesn't have the skill set."

"What about alternative medicine?"

It's absolutely vital to do everything we can in the physical realm to create manifestation in our lives, and it's certainly not enough to sit and meditate ... and wait. But at the same time, we can try all the "right" solutions and still remained blocked.

The answer is that you must open the gates.

It's not about saying, "God, let me find a system to be more successful." Again, you do need to have a system, to create order, and to have a plan. The truth is we all have gates that are locked to those blessings.

The problem is you can't open a non-physical gate with a physical key. Part of the reason we cannot open those gates is because we don't know what's locked. Opening the gates does not mean asking for money or for Susie Whatserface to fall in love with you or for a breakthrough in science. Instead, we need to focus on how to unlock the gates.

Don't get me wrong, we all have gates that are open. We have moments in life or areas of life in which things just flow naturally. Sometimes too naturally. Even the wrong gates can be open. It's possible to use our blessings to do more damage than good.

Chances are those blessings will be short-lived if you go down that route. We need to work on closing the wrong gates and opening the ones that will lead to long-lasting fulfillment.

If the gates are open, you don't have to sell clothes, you can sell the hangers.

If the gates are open, you find yourself sitting on the bus next to a doctor doing research on your particular issue.

If the gates are open, you wake up and realize the love of your life was a good friend or acquaintance that you've been ignoring all along.

This week check in with yourself. Which gates do you need to open and which do you need to close? You might have the 1% skills, but know that the seed of your success is opening and/or closing the right gates. If they are open, nothing can stop you, and if they are closed, you can do everything in your 'power' but nothing will give.

All the best,
Yehuda

Wow! That really hit me today! I'm doing all the right things but there is some gate that is not open. As I talked with my accountability partner she said something like "Do you notice the switch is either on or it's off?" i.e. You're either living like you're in the zone or you're not. While I'm doing all the physical right things (food, exercise) there is a gate still shut. The switch is off. The cool thing is that I've had the switch be on. I've had the gate open. I know what it feels like. I consider myself lucky in that respect! At least I know what I'm shooting for. Most recently the switch was on in January & February. What was I doing then? I had a very clear eating plan and I followed it militantly! There was room for fudging. No fried chicken strips--because even though it's chicken, it is wrapped in breading. No letting a goldfish cracker pass my lips. The switch doesn't just get turned back on because I have sugar and wheat out of my system, but that I've opened the gate of Surrender--by not fighting against but just embracing that this is how I have to eat to lose weight and remain in higher consciousness.

Michael Beckwith on Oprah

I'm watching a taped Oprah episode that talked about spirituality. Michael B. Beckwith said something that really struck me. (this is paraphrased somewhat)

When we are in tough situations we are being called to cultivate qualities in us that we didn't have before. Tough times are indications that our souls can actually give birth to qualities and capacities that can't come forward until a time such as this. It's tough to hear that when we're in it because we just want the situation to go away and want the pain to end, but often times hidden in the circumstance is gift of the unfoldment of the soul.

Day 24

Yesterday got better after my initial pity party. I had a good talk with my husband and felt more positive again.

Things I'm proud of from yesterday: I ate only my packed meals at work, ate what I planned to eat for dinner with my friend Tracy, did Week 3 of C25K (without turning totally red!), and did not nibble at all after dinner. I went over to Tracy's house after work and we played on her Wii. It was so FUN! We did bowling, boxing, and baseball, then switched over to Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero is HARD! We weren't doing very well and we were still on the easy setting! haha! It was still a ton of fun!

Something I'm grateful for: Yoga Vista. (Have I used that one already?) It's a great Yoga studio with awesome teachers and a good atmosphere. I always feel better when I leave.

My Daily Give: I bought dinner for Tracy last night from Pick Up Stix. Oddly enough I've discovered that giving her things makes her feel uncomfortable so accepting the apple wood from her (for the bunnies to eat) might have actually been more of a gift to her. I guess she feels as if the balance is skewed when someone gives her something.

My plan for today: Well my day is half over already but my plan was to go to yoga, do some errands or stuff in doors while it's warm this afternoon and then do some work in my vegetable garden this afternoon. There is some stuff that is awfully overgrown and some stuff that is in need of fertilizer.