I almost didn't realize it, but yesterday was Day 45. We're half way through the 90 Day Challenge!!!!
The thought of the challenge being half over is almost a little sad. This 90 Days has been an opportunity to get to know a few things about myself, to share in a project with my SBF, and to kick my health into high gear!
Last night I watched a recorded Oprah show from a few weeks ago. In this episode they introduce 6 people who will be on Bob Greene's "Your Best Life" program to lose weight. Oprah told one of the women that even though she thinks that everything is peachy because she has a boyfriend (her husband had left her) she is fooling herself--that there is something else bothering her or she wouldn't still be fat. Oprah was a little bit forceful in the way she told her and the woman didn't quite believe it but she agreed to do some digging to determine what was bothering her.
I've come to realize that as much as I want to lose weight and experience what being thin is like that there is still some fear of success. I sabotage myself sometimes. I sometimes look at a food and think "I shouldn't have that. I should just walk away" but then I'll think "So what, eat it anyway." That is the monkey mind talking I'm sure. (Some may call it Delilah, but I don't really care for that analogy. I feel that calling it by such a formal name gives it power.)
Is it a fear that I still won't feel "good enough"?
Is it a fear of success? Marianne Williamson says that our greatest fear isn't that we won't succeed but that we will succeed. (Speaking of Marianne Williamson, I also learned last night that she officiated Bob Greene's wedding!)
Crazy as it sounds I think it's more a fear of success. In some ways I feel like I'm on the cusp of having everything in the world I could want and if I attain this then I have to do something even bigger next. Anyone who knows me knows that my problem is doing too much, not too little! I logically know that if I have this covered I can move on to better things--like learning Spanish, doing more henna painting, striking out on my own doing instructional design work, eventually getting a PhD, maybe even doing some running! There are plenty of things that I'd LIKE to do that not having to focus on my weight will free up mental power and time.
One last thing from last night--Oprah called herself a professional dieter in her 30's and I think I am one as well. My husband once told me that I have a love/hate relationship with food. I thought he was nuts at the time, but he's a smart bear. :)
Exercise 4/0 by Mar 11 I've got my 4 hours in, but I'll still get up at 5:30 tomorrow!
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Yay! Congratulations on making it to "Day 45" and beyond! :)
And I am kind of glad to hear you ar a bit sad that it is half-way complete. I think that in itself is telling you something BIG about you and about the value of what is involved in this "Challenge."
No one ever said we can't do another "90 Day Challenge" following this one--did they? :) I didn't hear anyone say that. :)
But--let's take it one "Challenge" at a time. :)
Mmmmm. And how powerful to learn that there is a part of you that is afraid of succeeding in your dreams fully.
It's good to know this--and to also know--that the part of you that wants to experience 147 can take this other part of you--and walk them through this fear--rather then let them take the lead.
Many of the fears we have around releasing our excess weight--don't materialize anyway--and if they do--we can handle them at our higher or lower weight--so we may as well handle them at the weight we want to be at.
David (my six year old) would probably agree with you on the whole naming of your monkey mind and call it "Stupid Head" or "Silly Head" instead. :) Maybe that could work and lighten things up a bit. :) Delilah does sound much more serious and powerful than Silly Head. :)
Hmmm. It's worth finding out--don'tcha think? :) You may as well get to 147 and then see if you still don't feel "good enough." And if this is still a struggle--we can work with that part of you until they do feel like they are "more than enough!" Meanwhile, they won't have the excuse of excess weight keeping them from feeling that anymore. Ya know?
Powerful stuff, Marjorie! And YOU have the power...not "Silly Head." (Please let me know if you don't like that title either.:))
And when you have everything in the world that you could want--you and God choose what you want to do next. It's in your hands. You can even choose to do less--or some of the fun things you mentioned at a pace that feels good to you. This is your blessed life and it is up to you what you do with it.
Have a great day! :)
With lots of Love and Gratitude,
Kathy
www.kathybowesonline.com
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