Yesterday morning SBF Donna was sharing with me some resistance she's feeling. For me the fear I discovered I had was about posting my weight and measurements and then not losing any weight. For Donna the fear is being able to eat only 1500 and continue the exercise and work routine that she's already doing now. (You can get the full story on her blog) Then Donna asked me something that made me pause--How can I commit to this challenge and be so ready to do it when I've tried similar challenges in the past and not had the results I was hoping to achieve?
There have been two times in my life that I was able to lose large amounts of weight--around 50 each time. (Right now my goal weight is 60 pounds less than what I weigh.) The first time was in college. I followed one of the programs where you eat pre-packaged foods. There were times that I wanted to eat more. There were many of those times in fact. I didn't allow myself to eat anything other than the packaged foods so I lost weight. I realize that I have to tell myself "no" sometimes. I kind of see it like a parent with a child. I have to have tough love with myself. I've been telling myself "yes" to more food for so long that I'm currently 60 pounds over my "fighting weight". I'm not a parent but I know that sometimes a parent has to say "no" to their kids because they know what's better for them. For the 90 days of this challenge I'll have to tell the tantrumming "I want more" part of me, "No, dear. That's not what you really need."
I'm also using some of the techniques that "The Secret" (www.thesecret.tv) teaches us. I need to see myself as thin, imagine what it will feel like not just how I'll look, and then surround all of it with positive feelings. I have had a bit of fear and that's negative energy. So for now I want to focus on not thinking anymore about all the reasons why I might not be able to do this (my past does not dictate my future!) or even have the thought that it might not work. Those thoughts don't serve me.
As Michael Beckwith says "Pain pushes us until the vision pulls us." Right now it is sometimes hard to really imagine myself being thin because I never have been. I came close in college but I wasn't quite there. So right now, "pain" is pushing me but as I see myself getting closer, my vision will appear and pull me the rest of the way.
Really, I need to stop thinking about "if it'll work" or "why will it this time" or "how did I get here." It's time to stop thinking and just do it!
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1 comment:
Mmmmm.
What you are doing now is an act of faith. There is a part of you, Marjorie, that knows so deeply that with God all things are possible and that all you can envision for yourself and your life is available for you--if you but allow it to be and welcome it with open arms.
Karen Drucker's "I am ready to receive" comes to mind--and I am imagining you as ready to receive all that your heart truly desires in all areas of your life.
And little Marjorie--how fun this can be for her as well. Now, that you won't be giving her extra food--you can sit with her--and lovingly ask her what it is she really wants and needs.
It's easy for us to give our children and inner children food--but it takes time and attention to give them what they really want--and what they really want, often, is just time and attention. :) And lots of playtime!
And, I agree. I'd not use my thought or energy trying to figure out if it'll work or not this time--and just step out in faith--knowing it will. Absolutely!
I can see it, Marjorie. I just closed my eyes, and I can see you 60 pounds lighter and I think you will love what I just saw! :)
Love you,
Kathy
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