Day 4 and I'm Holding on Tight!

After my flight today, I was exhausted and hungry. I held off eating for a bit since I had a chicken salad at Chili's in the airport. I can't imagine that salad was 450 calories. There was harldy any chicken on it, a few kernals of corn and black beans, and a wad of lettuce with some chopped tomatoes. How is that 450? The dressing? I hardly used a 1/4th of it.
So it's 6:30 pm. I ate the last 100 calories an hour ago--3 oz of turkey and a few pickles. I'm hungry and still tired.
I have the kitchen door barricaded. Good thing my resolve to make this happen is strong!

Chips & Salsa are Evil (teehee!)

Today we went to a Mexican restaurant for lunch. Danger! Danger! I decided before I walked in that I wasn't having any chips and salsa. One chip would turn into the whole basket. I didn't have any of the guacamole either.
The waiter or kitchen weren't too helpful about my special ordering. They gave me double brocolli and no rice, but they didn't heed my request for "light to no sauce" on my grilled fish. I managed to scrape 95% of it off though. I felt quite okay about that. Overall, I am proud of myself!
I got up this morning and walked. It only took me 30 minutes to circumnavigate the mall. I think that had a little to do with the fact that it was really cold outside so I was moving!

Day 2 Done, 88 to Go

I feel like I handled Day 2 well especially considering that I had breakfast at home and then both lunch and dinner in a restaurant. I made sure I had egg beaters at breakfast to save a few calories. At the airport I had a hot tea from Starbucks rather than the grande soy latte I normally would have--that saved me 210 calories! At lunch I had mahi mahi that was grilled with salt, pepper, & a dash of lemon juice with sides of steamed carrots and steamed asparagus. At dinner I had seabass (which by the way absolutely melted in my mouth) but asked for veggies instead of the fried rice. I got picked at a little at lunch and dinner but the waiters were very cool about my questions and requests and I made no apologies to my co-workers for making requests. I guess I might have sounded a little like Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally" but I'm okay with that! I also had a few pieces of sushi that the table shared as an appetizer.
I didn't get any exercise in today but since we aren't starting until 8:45 tomorrow my plan is to get up tomorrow, bundle up and walk around the outside of the mall next door.
Day 2 is done...and I'm proud of myself!

Day 1 Done

I finished out the day at 1480 and feel good!

Day 1 of 90

Day 1 is finally here! It's almost a relief to get started doing this challenge and stop thinking about it!
I got my first 30 minute segment of exercise in today. I went walking with two co-workers. We walked down the street and up a relatively good size hill to a water tower. I had to hold my hand over my mouth so I wasn't sucking in so much cold air. I hope to report soon that I don't have to do that. I love having my exercise done so I don't have to worry about it tonight. Maybe by next week I can start on that waking-up-at-5:15 thing.
So far I've only eaten 586 calories. I have another mini-meal to eat before I leave work. Today is easy. Tomorrow won't be too bad. It'll be the next few days after that when I will say "what was I thinking agreeing to this?"
Since I shared my "OMG I look like that?!" picture a few days ago, I thought I'd also share my "I used to look like this!" picture. This is me in college about 15 pounds over my goal weight. (My goal weight is 147) Please forgive the cow shirt and socks. I was young!

Exercise: .5/3.5 by 1/28

Tomorrow's the Big Day

Tomorrow is Day 1!
I just got home from an enlightening weekend at the Miracle Mastery conference in Portland with Donna and Kathy. My head is aswirl with thoughts of unlimited possibility. One thought from the weekend that applies to this challenge is the idea that in order to reach our goals we have to
1. Make a decision
2. Commit to it and then
3. Start taking action.
When we make a decision, we no longer have to keep making that decision. I've decided for the next 90 days that I'm only eating 1500 calories a day. So if I'm at 1500 calories there is no wondering if I should go get a banana or some yogurt from the fridge. The decision has already been made.
I was discussing with Donna today that I'd love to be able to get my exercise in early in the morning to have it done. I'm so not an early riser. So not! I've figured out that if I wake up at 5:15, get out the door by 5:30, to the gym by 5:45, exercise an hour, get home by 7:00 I'll be basically where I'm at on a normal day...except that I'll have 1:45 less of sleep. That's not sounding super fabulous to me at the moment, but I'm not pooh-poohing the idea just yet.

Oh! I also found out Friday as I was traveling to Portland that my boss wants me to join her and a couple of co-workers in Phoenix TUESDAY! Yes, Day 2 of the challenge I am flying to Phoenix. Donna prompted me to start thinking of a plan of how to handle the days there. (Thanks Donna!) I'll be bringing my tennis shoes to exercise, I'll eat an egg beater omelet in the hotel, I'll have salads at lunch (wherever we eat out) and then for dinner stick to some grilled meat with veggies and maybe a baked potato. Traveling days 2-4 are not going to set me back. I've made a decision, I've committed to it, and I am taking the action.

I'm totally beat from a morning of ingesting some really great ideas and then flying home. I'm glad I got myself prepared with some foods before I left because I didn't feel up to going to the grocery for produce when I got home.

Warning: Objects in the Mirror are Larger than they Appear!

Isn't it amazing how we look at ourselves all the time in the mirror but we don't think about how we look from the back?
I just looked over some pictures taken at my company's annual conference last August. There were several rear view pictures of me. I was horrified. I'll make this post short because I don't want to linger on negative thoughts, but if I needed motivation, that helped!! Seeing the roll of "back fat" well...it sort of disgusted me.
I know that I need to release the negative feelings and surround this all with positive feelings, but I just had to make note of it.

How is "The Road Less Traveled with Food" Different?

Last night I was watching an Oprah episode from back in Oct/Nov (I tape them everyday and usually watch them over the weekend but I got way behind in my watching in late 2006. I could tell this one was from Oct/Nov because there were political ads during the commercial breaks. ) about women who have had gastric bypass surgery. They thought that if they were to become thin they would be happy and everything would be okay. Then they became thin and weren't happy...but they couldn't turn to their comfort or addictive activity. So they turned to others. Two of the three turned to alcohol and one turned to promiscuous sex. As Oprah pointed out they didn't deal with why they ate in the first place. The issues didn't go away, just their ability to eat over them! I feel so much compassion for these ladies. If I had not found Kathy Bowes in November 2003 I would likely be one of these women. As much as it freaks me out to think of permanently changing my body I was so desperate that I was on my way there. By learning about the biochemical process that happens in my body when I eat sugar and wheat I made the choice to stop eating them. It was like a fog had lifted from my thinking. It was like some scene out of a movie where the clouds part and you hear a choir of angels singing! :) But Kathy didn't just stop at getting us off sugar and wheat. She guided us through the process of filling in that hole we had that made us want to eat in the first place--the hole that got us in that downward spiral of eating, gaining weight, getting depressed, eating more, and gaining more weight. Through discussions, readings, singing, affirmations and her loving spirit we have filled in that hole with self-confidence, joy, and a deep love for ourselves, others, and God/Spirit/Universe/Higher Power. Now that I know that the hole isn't so deep and vacuous I know that I could have gastric bypass and not turn my addiction to something else HOWEVER I also know that I don't need to have a surgical, physical block to keep me from eating obsessively so I don't need gastric bypass!
So this morning I was planning my post for today and something kept telling me to read Inner Harvest. I haven't read it recently so I had to search for it, but I found it. Today's reading is spot on to what my thoughts are today. (This is today's Inner Harvest reading with my thoughts added in parentheses.)

We grow by doing what's hard to do.
Avoiding issues went along with our eating disorder. We tended to sidestep what was uncomfortable to face. Rather than make decisions and take action, we often focused on food and diets (or other ways out like gastric bypass). "When I reach goal weight, I'll deal with my other problems--maybe by that time they'll go away."
Recovery challenges us to confront and cope with whatever needs our attention. Each time we do so we become stronger. Maybe we need to do a house-cleaning project. Maybe we need to be more assertive with a boss or co-worker. Maybe we need to move out of a harmful relationship. (Maybe we need to forgive ourselves or someone else for some harm.)
Bingeing or starving are no longer options (because I know they aren't--not because I can't.) Using the tools of our program, we deal directly with the real issues. Although the task may seem difficult, we have help and support. With the help of our Higher Power, we will not be given more than we can handle.

Setting Myself Up to Succeed!

Donna and I chatted a bit today about some of the things we're going to do to make success even easier.
1. Filling foods--We've both figured out that some nice flavorful beans cooked in the crockpot can make a healthy, filling meal. I made a batch of black eyed peas recently and shared a bowl of them with Donna. We both loved 'em! I've come up with an idea that I hope is good--white beans, crushed tomatoes with the Italian seasoning, spinach, onion, garlic, bell pepper, maybe some eggplant, maybe a few black olives and a little bit of some flavorful hard Italian type meat to give it a little oomph of flavor. We're both planning on getting these cooked before our weekend in Portland so that we have it already cooked for Monday.
2. Making food in advance, especially for lunch--When I get home Sunday night I'm also going to pick up salad fixin's and make salad for each day the rest of the week--with enough left over to feed my bunnies =:)
3. Being responsible to this blog--there may not be many people reading my blog now, but I hope that as Kathy's program takes off other people might be able to get help from it.
4. Baricade the kitchen--I'm an evening nibbler. I can stick to my guns all day, but once I get home and start watching TV and playing with the bunnies I'm in and out of the kitchen getting a little of this and a little of that. My plan is to get a roll of paper like they use in adding machines and put up a big X across the doorway in the evening. I'd love to get my hands on some "Crime Scene Do Not Cross" tape. I've already warned my husband. He can go around to get to the kitchen or just stay out himself. He's still complaining about not being at his "fighting weight" too.
I need to work on some ways to improve the likelihood of me exercising 4 hours a week. I went to the gym last night and did 45 minutes on the eliptical machine. I'm pretty tired by evening. I guess I'll have to consider getting up in the morning to exercise. {Hey! What are you laughing about!?|

I'm sure there are other things, but this is all I can come up with for now.

Can I Really Do It This Time?

Yesterday morning SBF Donna was sharing with me some resistance she's feeling. For me the fear I discovered I had was about posting my weight and measurements and then not losing any weight. For Donna the fear is being able to eat only 1500 and continue the exercise and work routine that she's already doing now. (You can get the full story on her blog) Then Donna asked me something that made me pause--How can I commit to this challenge and be so ready to do it when I've tried similar challenges in the past and not had the results I was hoping to achieve?
There have been two times in my life that I was able to lose large amounts of weight--around 50 each time. (Right now my goal weight is 60 pounds less than what I weigh.) The first time was in college. I followed one of the programs where you eat pre-packaged foods. There were times that I wanted to eat more. There were many of those times in fact. I didn't allow myself to eat anything other than the packaged foods so I lost weight. I realize that I have to tell myself "no" sometimes. I kind of see it like a parent with a child. I have to have tough love with myself. I've been telling myself "yes" to more food for so long that I'm currently 60 pounds over my "fighting weight". I'm not a parent but I know that sometimes a parent has to say "no" to their kids because they know what's better for them. For the 90 days of this challenge I'll have to tell the tantrumming "I want more" part of me, "No, dear. That's not what you really need."
I'm also using some of the techniques that "The Secret" (www.thesecret.tv) teaches us. I need to see myself as thin, imagine what it will feel like not just how I'll look, and then surround all of it with positive feelings. I have had a bit of fear and that's negative energy. So for now I want to focus on not thinking anymore about all the reasons why I might not be able to do this (my past does not dictate my future!) or even have the thought that it might not work. Those thoughts don't serve me.
As Michael Beckwith says "Pain pushes us until the vision pulls us." Right now it is sometimes hard to really imagine myself being thin because I never have been. I came close in college but I wasn't quite there. So right now, "pain" is pushing me but as I see myself getting closer, my vision will appear and pull me the rest of the way.
Really, I need to stop thinking about "if it'll work" or "why will it this time" or "how did I get here." It's time to stop thinking and just do it!

Rules are Not Made to be Broken!

The 90 Day Challenge

Eat 1500 calories or less every day

Exercise 4 hours per week

That's pretty simple, but just so the ol' monkey mind doesn't start playing with things there are some "sub-rules."

Eat 1500 calories every single day. There are no "special" days because every day is special. My birthday will fall 2 months into the challenge. It's a special day of course! But the rules still apply. I will select a restaurant that will have foods that I can figure the calories. Which leads to the next sub-rule.

If I can't figure the calories for a food, I don't eat it! Recently I got a small container of egg salad from the deli. There is no listing for egg salad in my calorie book. Who knows how much mayonnaise they used or whether they used the full fat or light variety. Bottom line: Don't eat it.

All foods must be part of my NAFP. For most people this includes sugar, wheat products, fake sweeteners, and alcohol. For me personally I will include sugar, wheat products, aspartame, alcohol, fried foods, and hard cheeses. I can eat a little cheese on a salad with no problem, but I cannot eat a mozzarella cheese stick or a piece of cheddar and stop. I wish I could, but I can't. Fried things are the same way. Bake a potato and I'm okay. Fry it and well...there's a reason Lay's potato chips say "You can't eat just one."

The exercise I do has to get me sweating or get my heart rate up. I don't typically sweat a lot, but I know the difference between a good workout and a stroll along the beach. An active yoga class can count as one of the hours per week. The other three hours must be spent walking at a good pace or up some hills or be spent on the eliptical machine.

Exercise should be in increments of at least 30 minutes. A 15 minute walk doesn't count no matter how much I managed to sweat.

Donna mentioned in our group meeting today that she is struggling with the idea of adding some weight lifting in to her challenge. Her challenge with that is that she doesn't really enjoy it. I have to say, I agree. My muscle tone has improved dramatically since I've been doing yoga (downward-facing dog and plank pose are to thank!) but the thought of doing bicep curls just seems BOR-ING! But there is no challenge too great for us! I told Donna that I would make the sacrifice and meet her at the gym either before or after group or after church (there is a gym location near our group location and our church) for each of the 13 weeks in this challenge. Am I an SBF or what??

To Post or Not to Post?

Since I decided to do this blog about our 90 Day Challenge I've been debating whether I will post my stats. You know, the dreaded ones--weight, waist, hips, etc. Then I thought "well if you are lighter and can say you don't weigh that anymore, what's the big deal?" But then I thought "What if you aren't lighter?!"
Fear...the great joy-killer and vision-destroyer!

So basically it boils down to being scared that I won't lose weight. This isn't a new fear and I have to think that the fear of not losing weight has probably been a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So what do I do about it? For starters, I'm setting myself up to succeed. (Boy! Does that sound cliche and sales-y!)
1. I'm tracking my food now in my little notebook to get myself in the habit.
2. I'm partnering with my SBF Donna (Partnering--another cliche, marketing term)
3. I have the support of my other SBF Kathy

Logically, if I am eating 1500 calories a day and exercising 4 hours a week how could I NOT lose weight? Unfortunately, fear isn't logical.

Already a Challenge to the Challenge

I found out today that I will be taking a work trip in February. February 11 to be exact! As I said in yesterday's post, I wanted to do this when I wouldn't have something going on in the first couple of weeks. I don't want to push out further than I already am so...with Donna's okay, we're going to start the challenge after our Portland trip. This means 1/22 will be Day 1.
Last night I pulled out my Calorie King book and mini notebook so I could start tracking now and start getting my body used to 1500 calories. I have to say that it's been a bit of a shock to my tummy. I didn't do well with my breakfast today. I ate something that was about as high in calories as my usual breakfast (steel cut oats, 1/2 T margarine, 1/4 cup egg beaters mixed with 1 egg) but not nearly as filling. I woke up late and didn't have any steel cut oats already cooked like usual. Lesson learned! Have them cooked or let them cook while in the shower and eat after I get dressed.

More on the Challenge

Our start date is February 11. You might wonder why we decided on January 7 to start on February 11 if this is something we really want to do. There are a couple of reasons: all three of us (Donna, Kathy and I) are going to a conference in Portland January 19-21 and I am going to visit family early February. In the past I would have said "Let's do it now anyway" because I've felt for years that one can't go on a diet that is not realistic to last forever. In this case I'm bending that rule. While I don't think that our challenge is anything that is unrealistic, my approach to it is different. In the past I would have allowed myself a day off if I was traveling or had a special occasion. During this challenge there will be none of that. Even though my birthday is during this 90 day challenge, I will still eat 1500 calories that day and I will still exercise 4 hours that week. This challenge is about being able to take it to the "ultimate" for 90 days. After that I can incorporate the "normal" things in life, like vacations. Part of the challenge for me is going to be to not allow exceptions. I don't think that's realistic forever, but I do think that's realistic and do-able for 90 days. There will be some special occasions (like my birthday) during the 90 days, but I didn't want to start off the challenge and have a trip in the first 10 days. (And I admit I want to eat some good seafood when I go see my family!)
As Kathy said in our group meeting Sunday night, this month until 2/11 isn't going to be like a final meal though. We aren't going to feast all we can to prepare for the famine afterwards. In fact, I think I should start tracking my food and exercise some now so that the first week isn't such a shock to me--especially the exercise part!
Countdown--33 days until 2/11

The Challenge

For the past three years my friend Donna and I have been meeting with Kathy Bowes (www.kathybowesonline.com) to deal with our food addiction. Through Kathy we were able to learn about the biochemically addictive nature of some foods, such as sugar, wheat, artificial sweetners, and alcohol. It's been a spiritual journey and I can say for certain that Donna and I are not the same people we were three years ago. We've both lost some weight, we've improved our eating habits and we've increased our exercise routine, but the weight hasn't come all off.
Last night at our group meeting Kathy posed a challenge to us. For 90 days we stick to our non-addictive food plan (NAFP), weigh/measure/track food to keep our calories at 1500, and exercise four times a week for at least an hour. We were a little scared but we know we're up to the challenge and we're going for it!
So this blog is going to chronicle my 90 days. Donna is doing the same at: http://90dayhjfchallenge.blogspot.com/