Where Does This Leave Me Now?

A few days ago SBF Donna checked in with me on how I was doing with tracking food and exercise. I had to say 'not so good'. My intentions are good. I want to track my food and exercise more. I know that it will lead me to weight loss and I want to lose weight. But I haven't "made the decision to do it"(as Oprah says). I want to but I haven't made it a priority. I realized that for the better part of this year I have been tracking my food, telling myself I should be tracking my food, or berating myself internally for not tracking my food. It's become disheartening to keep thinking "I should, but I'm not...I should, but I'm not..." It's created a lot of negative feelings around the whole thing. So with Donna's blessing I'm taking a break. Not like a Ross & Rachel "we're on a break" where I go crazy and do things I regret later. I just removed my notebook and CalorieKing book from my bag and am not telling myself I should do anything.
You would think that giving myself permission to not track food would let the thoughts drop from my thoughts. You would be wrong. I find myself still thinking "How many calories is that?", "I shouldn't have that. It's too fattening.", and "I should get to the gym today." The problem is still there in my head.
Brian said to me recently that I have always "sailed through life" because I have good things happen. Teresa (Donna's SBS) said "Has he read your blog?!" I had to laugh. Do I really seem that neurotic in this blog? LOL!! Maybe I need to send him the link. Brian is right that my life has been good, but I don't think it was handed to me. I've made sacrifices and smart decisions. I studied and worked hard in college rather than partying so I got out quick and didn't have debt to overwhelm me. I could have partied more, had a lower grade point average and taken out loans instead of working, but I chose something that I knew would make things better for me in the long run. I pay my bills on time. I save for my retirement. I pay a little extra and get the better insurance coverage at work. I don't buy every pair of shoes, purse or bit of make-up I see and like. I try to make decisions that I can live with.
And yet, when it comes to food and exercise I don't always make decisions that will make me feel good the next day.
Aaron said to me one time that I have a love-hate relationship with food. He's right. But how do you change that? How do I change the way I think about food?
I think I know how to change my way of thinking--by affirming the right thoughts regularly. The thing that has been stumping me the last few days is...what are the right thoughts?
Before I was saying "I eat 1500 calories a day and lose weight easily and effortlessly"
So do I now tell myself "Food is fuel"?
Or "I don't eat wheat, sugar, or fried foods" (that seems negative rather than affirming)
maybe "I eat what my body needs and stop"
I need to figure out what the healthiest way to think about this is and then reaffirm that to myself. And if I have to write "food is fuel" on my hand in ball point ink, then I will!