Day 20

I've got some catching up to do! We had a fun time this weekend getting away. We were happy to get home last night so we could "squeeze a puppy/bunny/cat/chick" (i.e. hug our pets). It was so hard to get up today and come to work though. I am clearly not doing the work I love. It's become more and more apparent to me that this is the case. I think of the days that I truly enjoy my work--where the day passes before my eyes and it's suddenly 5:30pm--and these days are few and far between. The work that I do is instructional design and the model that we use for instructional design work is called ADDIE (A-Assess Needs, D-Design, D-Develop, I-Implement, E-Evaluate). The last project I worked on was fun because I focused on the D, D, and I stages and that's what I really enjoy. My boss now has me working strictly on the A stage and then wants me to hand off the project to someone else and oversee them doing the D stages. I don't want to oversee people--I made that clear in the interview. I have a new manager so I told her as well that I don't want to oversee people. She said that this is the model that they are going with--Sr. IDs do the assessment and then oversee Jr. IDs doing the development. On top of not doing the type of work I want to do (and what I was told I'd be doing when I took the job!) there is so much work to be done--more than our current staff can possibly accommodate--so I feel rushed to finish things. Right now I'm feeling very fearful--that because I am working on a stage that is not my strongest point and then handing it off to someone else to finish the rest that the chances of failure are higher. If I were to work on this project all the way through, I could make corrections along the way, but in this case it has to be really accurate and thorough. I like learning but I feel like this job is pushing me harder than I want to work right now. I want to focus on other aspects of my life (spirituality, health) but all my energies are being zapped by this job that I don't really like that much. Then on top of all this, my one good friend from this job has been offered another job and she's going to take it. When I say that there is no one else at work I feel I can trust I am not exaggerating. Everyone here feels this need to CYA so much that they'll throw you under a bus.
Okay, enough of that rant and on to my Day 20.

Last few days: Food over the past few days has been off. I'm not going to say "bad" per se. I usually eat 5 smaller meals but being away from home that became a little harder and I ended up eating 3 larger meals. It's easy when you're at a fair with lots of good food to eat a lot extra but I really didn't and for that I'm proud. On top of that the food was pretty healthy! The food was not typical fair food. I ate from the vegan/raw food booth (I had a raw food strawberry & apple "pie" and it was to die for!), the "Ital" food booth (vegan), and stuff like that.

Something I'm grateful for today: My husband. I know I've put him here before but that day it was because I was upset with him and wanted to expand my feelings of appreciation for him. Today I am already feeling it. He's arranged our financial situation as of late to reduce our monthly mortgage payment, reduce our electrical needs (we're getting solar panels installed in the next couple of weeks), and reduce our water needs (by removing a section of our back yard and replacing it with decomposed granite). These things make me feel as though it could be possible for me to take another job doing something I love--as soon as I find it! It gives some breathing room.

My plan for today: I didn't have much food in the refrigerator to pack for today so tonight I'm going to Frazier Farms to buy food for the bunnies and for me. In the meantime I'll try to make healthy choices from our company cafeteria. I will do the Week 3 of C25K too. Hopefully it'll be easier today than it was Sunday!